I’ve asked some people in my mailing list on subject of couple compatibility, inquiring about their couple compatibility issues and what they want to know. I have had a lot of answers to that email, so it seems great idea to answer the 3 of the questions that I found interesting in this article. Let’s see.

1) How to be sure my spouse really loves me?

Ok. I’ll try to be very careful here. What do you think - if you indeed loves a guy or a girl how would you prove that? How would you make it evident for your spouse to get it that you really feel in love with him or her?

Basically - you make your best to show your fondness toward the guy or girl, right? You demonstrate that it is interesting what that person says, maybe even admire the person for something and certainly friendliness in whatever happens to that person. Your eyes glisten when looking at the significant one. You seem very eager about spending time together with the guy or girl.

Do you feel that kind of affection from your sweetheart? Is there some kind of interest in you? Show sympathy? Come on and test your feelings.

2) How to build up the feelings between us?

Real fondness basically depends on really agreeing and I would say admire what you see in the other person and what he or she tells you. So, you can try to look good for your partner and ALSO try to be more fascinating for your partner. If you note what your partner likes in the way you look and improve especially those things. And, to the opposite, you might consider hiding the things that your loved one rather not sees in you.

I am not advising about becoming obsessed on being exactly what other people suggest that you should be, because there lays unhappiness and hard time getting other people to like you. No, I’m talking about spending your guys’ time together as pleasantly and enjoyable to both of you as possible.

And I certainly propose you give compliments to things you adore about your partner. And, on the contrary, gently propose some small improvement, but very gently and never demanding. As in: “You know, that tie would look so lovely on you, why wouldn’t you take it today?”

I talk more in my free couple compatibility report to understand more about being interesting to your partner.

3) The hardest thing about maintaining a marriage alive is not to get annoyed on your partner.

Well, that’s a hard one, I would say. Judging by the experience I gained, a person can react to things, which kind of look to him like some bad things that happened to him in the past. And those reactions can happen with no control over them from his part.

One good thing about it - the more rested we are and the better our temper is, the less is the possibility that such reactions can happen to us. So my suggestion is - rest more and do your best to keep your mood in good shape. I’ll give some good advice on this in my forthcoming articles.

Are you in an intimate relationship where violence is a part of your exchange? Does one or the other of you lash out physically toward the other? Do you want it to stop?

There is lots of information out there about intimate partner violence. Just google the term and today there were 4,680,000 entries on the topic. Many offer research, explanations, opinions and advice.

I am not here to argue for you to stay or get out of a relationship where you are inflicting or receiving violence in your relationship. What I do want you to do, however, is look at your motivation and decide if your behavior and your choices are going to lead you in the direction you want to go for your life.

Violence Users:

Are you the partner in the relationship who resorts to physical violence when frustrated, upset or angry? Is this the person you want to be in your loving, intimate relationship? What do you want that you are trying to get by punishing your partner physically?

Because I am a firm believer in Dr. Glasser’s Choice Theory®, I know that all behavior is purposeful. It is unacceptable to say, “He or she made me do it!” No one has the power to make us do anything we don’t want to do. If you think you can, have you ever tried to make a baby eat who wasn’t hungry?

Sure you can crank up the fear and/or pain factor far enough to get just about anybody to do anything but if it is important enough, a person will choose to die rather than do something they don’t want to do and you can’t make them.

Stephen Covey tells us that between a stimulus and a response is a gap and in that gap is our ability to choose our response. Maybe you are giving away your choice to your partner but I don’t buy it. You choose violence because it gets you something you want.

Maybe you are confusing fear with respect. Maybe all you care about is compliance and quality is not an important factor to you. Maybe you are scared and being angry helps you to feel stronger. Maybe these are patterns you learned as a child.

Whatever the reason, if you want to have a loving relationship with another person, do you think violence is the best way of getting one?

If a loving, caring, committed relationship is what you want, then you must give up the idea of intimidating your partner with violence and begin to allow that person to live life on their terms. Ensure that they are in the relationship because they want to be, not because they are too scared to leave. This new relationship will be based on love and real respect—not fear.

Violence Receivers:

Are you in a relationship with a partner who hurts you physically? Is this the kind of relationship you hoped for? Does he or she treat you good enough other times to make up for the times he or she hurts you? Are you holding onto the hope that it will change?

Forget the thought that he or she will change. That may or may not happen but you have no control over what your partner chooses to do or not to do. You can only control yourself. What if your partner never changes? Would you still stay in the relationship?

What do you get by staying in an abusive relationship? Is this the best you think you deserve? Do you believe that he or she hurts you because you ask for it? Do you believe that commitment means you will never leave until death parts you? Do you hold onto that hope that he or she can be the person you dream of?

Whatever your reason, I want you to examine your motives. Ask yourself the question, “Is staying more painful than starting over?” When it is, you will seek whatever help you need to make the move to leave.

Relationship dynamics, a brief primer; the origins of anger and intimacy

Marriage counseling, therapy for depression is an investment in yourself and/or your marriage. It seems that no one teaches us how to be an emotionally healthy person, or how to have a healthy marriage. Some of us seek out a coach, or a mentor, and when we do, we find that we have discovered something that we never knew existed. We find that being an emotionally healthy person or having a healthy marriage is not a mysterious or elusive thing that people only talk about. It’s real, and within your grasp. The time and energy you spend on yourself and your marriage is never wasted! Invest in yourself and your marriage!

Relationships can be very rewarding, and rather vexing and confusing at times. Through our discussions you will learn many tools, and to develop and utilize these skills to achieve your goals in life, work and love. This article deals with one very central dynamic in relationships, with an emphasis on intimate relationships. That dynamic is the relationship between intimate feelings and angry feelings.  It is an artifact of our very closeness that causes us to be able to simultaneously feel closer then anyone else we know, and to fight like no one else we know. This stunning contradiction properly managed with understanding, respect, and commitment, can and should be the source of endless joy and a blissful life as husband and wife.

There is a very close relationship between warm, close, loving feelings ( Intimacy ), which is our target, and cold, angry, distant feelings ( more often then we would like, the problem ).  Those two feelings may seem to be, and are, in many ways polar opposites. However, they stem from almost, exactly, the same place.

Those polar opposite feelings have one thing in common, emotional vulnerability.  To greatly varying degrees it permeates every interaction we have in all of our relationships. It is most prevalent and relevant to our intimate relationship, and therefore central to our discussion of relationship dynamics. That vulnerability is evident in both our loving intimate interactions and our angry hurtful moments, it is the very foundation of all our relationships. Without some level of vulnerability there is no relationship at all.

We all have vulnerabilities.  We are all vulnerable because not a single one of us is perfect. It is our choice to share or make ourselves vulnerable to another person that brings bout a relationship. How those vulnerability are managed, is what determines how close a relationship will be. Because not a one of us is perfect, we all have good things about us, that we are proud of and enjoy sharing with others. These vulnerabilities are ones that we feel are safe to share with a wide range of people and we  do just that when we meet someone new and we are putting that best foot forward. Additionally, we all have things about us that we are not so proud of, that we would rather not remember let alone share with anyone. These things, are our biggest vulnerabilities and therefore what makes us feel truly emotional vulnerable. We are typically very careful about whom we entrust this most sensitive information with. It is only those people whom we trust the most that we will share our biggest vulnerabilities with. We share these vulnerabilities, only with those people whom we wish to be closest to. We communicate them verbally and physically, in exchange for closeness, and eventually, trust and  love. 

In addition to emotional vulnerability, there are other kinds of vulnerability that are shared in relationships, there is intellectual vulnerability, where I share my thoughts, skills, ideas, and solutions. There is also physical vulnerability where I share of my physical self, we like that one…. Emotional vulnerability, however is the key “flavor” of vulnerability that we need to focus our attention on. This is because it is the foundational component of every relationship. Over the course of time, as we share more and more about ourselves, it is also one of the crucial things that progressively brings us closer, and closer together. Properly respected and managed, in time it bonds us together, as a healthy and happy couple. In our intimate relationships our  closeness / intimacy evolves through the sharing of vulnerabilities. 

Emotional vulnerability is only half of what draws us together.  In addition to vulnerability in order to feel close, we must also feel comfortable, or safe in sharing those vulnerabilities. If we are not comfortable, or do not feel safe with another then we will not share our vulnerabilities. However, when we do feel safe we enjoy sharing this information. When we share vulnerabilities and we feel listened to, respected, and cared for, we begin to feel close. These warm close feelings feel so good that we are drawn to that person emotionally and in in time physically too. The more we share with each other and the safer we feel, the closer we become.  As we continue to date one and other, there typically comes a time when we find that we can talk for hours and hours.  We miss each other and long to be together again. When we are having these marathon conversations we begin to share things about ourselves that we are not so proud of, in short our vulnerabilities. As I share this privileged information about myself, and you listen and support me, and offer to assist me in dealing with these things, I feel respected, heard, cared for, and in time, loved. Through communication and physical touch, we cultivate intimate feelings & ultimately fall in love with one and other. Our eventual goal is to share all of ourselves with each other and in the end feel loved for all of who we are, flaws and all. So, warm, close, loving, intimate feelings stem from the ability to feel emotionally vulnerable and safe at the same time.

Intimacy evolves, as I described, and so does …. anger.

Anger begins at a point in time after some measure of meaningful intimacy has been cultivated.  This is because before any meaningful anger will manifest between us there must be some measure of shared vulnerability. Similar to intimacy, anger stems from feeling emotionally vulnerable, but this time unsafe at the same time. It starts with miscommunication, and subsequent misunderstandings, then as patterns begin to develop, communication decreases, and resentments begin to accumulate. These resentments will reach a kind of critical mass and destructive anger emerges.  

Anger is an individual, defensive, and at times destructive dynamic, that plays itself out by hurting the ones I love. My anger protects me from you by creating distance between us. The thinking is relatively simple, if I can create enough distance between the two of us, you won’t be able to hurt me and I will be safe again. Anger creates distance in one of two ways, either I push you away or I remove my self from the situation, either way I restore my own personal safety, typically at the expense of our shared or relationship’s intimacy.

Anger manifests itself as frustration when I am trying to control what I perceive to be an out of control situation. Or when a situation is much more chronic in nature, by verbally & emotionally hurting the ones I love, causing then to recoil from me. This is usually accomplished through the misuse of intimate, privileged knowledge I possess about you. Vulnerabilities that were shared between us to facilitate and maintain intimacy. Which in anger I now choose to misuse, to hurt you or to control you. The lasting damage anger causes comes from the erosion of trust between us.  The damage stems from the fact that the vulnerabilities I shared were to create closeness, and in anger are now being used against me, to hurt me and control me. A relationship with chronic frustration, anger, and the requisite misuse of vulnerabilities, will eventually erode the very fabric of that intimate relationship, our ability to feel emotionally vulnerable and safe at the same time.

This article dealt with only one, but a very central dynamic in intimate relationships, the origins of anger and intimacy. That powerful understanding is just the beginning of a complete picture of intimate relationships. This properly managed with understanding, respect, and commitment, our relationship can and should be the source of endless joy and that happily ever after we all signed up for…….

Because we are all individuals, and our marriages are unique to us, no two are exactly the same. As a result we are all in need of differing levels of care and intervention. Based on my years of experience as a professional counselor, I have developed four different marriage counseling programs, tailored to meet the differing needs that my clients face. First I have the  8 week program, which is ideal for moderate levels of stress an conflict, couples struggling with communication and intermittent significant fights. Next I have developed the 10 week program which is ideal for couples who are experiencing considerable levels of stress and conflict, poor communication, frequent fighting and threats of divorce. For couples experiencing relentless conflict, and stress the 12 week counseling program is a very good choice to restore harmony to your marriage / relationship. The 14 week elite marriage counseling program is ideal for marriages experiencing critical levels of stress and conflict, one in which the both of you are very committed to working things out but the constant conflict is unbearable. The right program for you and your marriage, can restore the harmony, respect and love the both of you once shared.

Robert Whitman LPC, MA,CACIII

For further information and contact information please visit my website Marriage counseling Colorado

 

If there is something that has been written in a very wide and huge panorama, it’s the glory of the friendship the women have that run all the way from dating to various other levels. However many women wallow in loneliness with a lack of dating instances and true friendships that can amount to anything. They depict all chances of friendship hunger, as they peer at the joy and happiness that others in their society keep on enjoying themselves in as they feel the tenacious hunger.

It is that dating outing that your friend went that might be sending charges of pain in your heart, but it might not be heading anywhere. This is what the fantasy that we have intertwined in our belief about the companionship of others, and it might be as empty as ours, or even worse. If we have to say the least, women do undergo a dilemma and a jigsaw puzzle in their act of finding good, viable and available companions. Women want to get into a dating mood once their time has arrived and they don’t want to be left by the women they see being dated, married and having wonderful relationships.

This is what makes them mad and frustrated, with their hearts so heavy and very hurt. The positive thing about women is that they will finally find their mark, start novel and rich relationships that fill them with great pleasure. Once they start dating and living their dream women are the happiest of all human beings. The men are mostly the lucky recipients when their women are happy, while the reverse is true. You don’t have to be dejected anymore; you can also find a person who will touch your heart.

Always be hopeful. If there is something that you have never learned, it is the fact that loneliness and lack of dating relationships is a universal disease that is curable. This is like manna in the world of heaven. You can believe that you will not spend the rest of you time alone and full of misery. You cannot. You must remember friends of any kind are a resource that can be renewed. So says the chronicles of human nature.

Dating is something that will grace your life in no time, and it will not be like spending a whole evening at home doing absolutely nothing as your good neighbors are having a wonderful dating experience under candle lit dinners. It does not matter, you can easily find that you have a better relationship than they, having a satisfying companionship and you will just ask yourself what the fuss was all about.

What you need to be is creative and strategic. To find a man does not entail staying at home and bore you with one TV show after the other. It means going out there and socializing with like-minded individuals. Whether in churches, local clubs or bars, or even in online dating, you will notice after you have been successful that loneliness is just like a flue that just goes away at its opportune time, and just a temporary interlude.

When people get married they tend to forget that they still need to make time for one another. Many people think that when they get married that the relationship will take care of itself, but this could not be further from the truth. When you get married you have to work to keep the romance alive and a great way to do this is by continuing to date even after you have been married. Sure, you aren’t going to have those first date jitters, but you can still go out, just the two of you, and really enjoy spending time together.

Going Out With Your Spouse

It’s important when you are married to make dating a normal part of your lives. Pick one day a week or a couple different days a month where you will go out just the two of you. You don’t have to make it anything formal, just time for the two of you to forget all of your worries and enjoy the company of one another. Don’t have a huge budget? Don’t worry, there are simple things that you can do that will still allow you to have a great time together.

Your date night could consist of something as simple as going out to dinner at your favorite restaurant. Order dinner but then share dessert and have a glass of wine or your favorite drink. Talk about your week, about your hopes, about your dreams. When you sort of take a moment out to pause and really enjoy one another you will be refreshing your relationship and seeing the person as they really are, instead of taking them for granted as we all tend to do.

You could also make a point of seeing a new movie together every couple of weeks. If you both enjoy the movies why not make a date of it? Try one of the theatres that allows for you to order from your seats so you can enjoy a movie as well as a meal together. You won’t be talking throughout the movie, but it will be quality time spent together and you’ll just feel more connected afterward. Another option is to go to a comedy club, visit a favorite museum, or participate in a shared hobby together.

Don’t have a lot of money? No need to worry about that! Simply order a pizza, or make one, light some candles, and sit on the floor and eat it together. You would be surprised how exhilarating it can be to get back to basics and really keep things simple. Sometimes, when you keep things simple you will enjoy yourself more than when you go out and spend money that you don’t have. Just taking out time for one another for a “date” is good for both of you and your relationship.

What’s worse than being a 30 something year old woman out in the dating world trying to find her perfect soul mate?  Being a 30 something year old woman out in the dating world trying to find her second perfect soul mate who doesn’t mind that she’s divorced, unemployed, and has two young kids that he’ll have to pretend to find charming and delightful. What could be worse than that?  Oh, I’ve got something worse than that…

Let’s start with the dating scene.  I’ve been out of it for a good twelve years, so when my single friends complained about the state of dating and relationships I just thought they needed to quit whining and make some more effort.  And maybe lose 5 lbs. And do something with that God-awful haircut they’ve had for the last 15 years. But I digress.  Smug in my perfect marriage, with my perfect husband and my perfect children, I was conceited enough to look down upon the lonely masses and breathe a sigh of relief that I was not one of them.  And then it happened.

The D word.  Divorce. My perfect husband came crashing down, ripping my perfect marriage down with him like some bad soap opera actor tearing down the lush silk dining room curtains in a drunken rage.  But this was no soap opera (I wish it was because then I could have shot him, suffered from amnesia, ran off to a deserted island, been pronounced dead in a shipwreck, and miraculously come back with a nice tight face lift and perky boobs…but I digress again!) 

So what’s a girl to do?  More importantly what’s a divorced girl with two kids under ten to do?  Two words for ya…ONLINE DATING.

Now, I know, I know, you’ve all heard the horror stories about online dating:  the men have combovers, are ugly, and sex freaks, the women are desperate, fifty pounds overweight with names like Shirley Ann who post pictures from ten years ago (in case there are any Shirley Ann’s in the audience, I think that is a perfectly classy and beautiful name).  Well I am here to tell you these horror stories are wrong, WRONG I tell you!  I met a wonderful, sexy, man from France who took me to expensive restaurants, appreciated fine wine, and could speak articulately about literature, world events, and global warming and the affect it’s having on innocent bunny rabbits.  Then he dumped me and I quickly found out that those horror stories are all TRUE, every last one of them!

So as not to send you screaming into the night, I’ll give a brief synopsis of what I’ve encountered in one (yes, just ONE) month of online dating.  The first date after my heart was smashed by Frenchie was a tall cute Indian guy who is an engineer.  So far so good.  We got drinks, talked about business, and world events, nice guy.  He could be the one.  Second date:  Walk along the beach and more great conversation.  About him.  And his job.  And how much money he made. And how he had enough money in his portfolio to retire today at 36.  Yeah, I thought all this was great and wonderful, but why didn’t he take me to lunch.  Nothing fancy, just a burger, a nice salad.  Know what I got?  A cup of coffee.  A freakin’ six hour date and all I got was a cup of coffee!  Oh, we did stop at McDonalds, but that was to get another cup of coffee…for him.  6 sugars, 6 creams.  No lie.  Now I love lots of sugar and cream but c’mon be a man!

Second date:  Neurotic 51 year old Jewish ex-stockbroker.  Great body, but kept talking about his ex wife’s shoe collection.  Third date:  Divorced, 38 year old lawyer.  He kept talking about his ex-wife’s new boyfriend and how he wasn’t jealous.  Fourth date:  married swinger, another lawyer.  No comment necessary.  Fifth date: 48 (defiantly lying about his age) entrepreneur who couldn’t keep his hands off of me 30 minutes into our date and kept telling me how black chicks were hot.  (He was a white South Afrikan, must have been some residual apartheid guilt).  The dating blitz continues… (my heart was broken, cut me some slack)! Sixth date: a hot, hot, hot 24 year old.  Unfortunately he was also dumb, dumb, dumb, wanted me to meet his mom, plan our wedding and adopt my kids all by next week.  What kind of 24 year old is this?  Rounding out my dating rodeo was a bi-sexual artist, a beefed up real estate broker who kept bragging about some land he bought behind Paris Hilton’s house, and a city commissioner who had his  six year old daughter call me the day after our first date to ask if I could be her new mommy.  Needless to say, she didn’t get a call back!

So, what is a divorced girl with two kids under the age of ten to do?  Two words for ya…STAY HOME!

But seriously, fellow divorcees, I know it’s tough advice but please don’t go through what I went through.  Stay home, work on you, love you, treat you right, and that special someone will come along to sweep you off your feet.  Sweep yourself off your own feet first by realizing how awesome you are…and don’t date married swingers!

visit www.kimhess.com to get more tips on gaining your sanity  back (if you ever had any!) in this crazy, crazy world.

Recently my office got a new employee. The new kid is a simple nice looking young lady. But, she just got fired in the first two month. After that incident a friend of mine found that this woman left her yahoo messenger password on the desk.

Suddenly my friend and me decide to test the entire guy in our office. What is the test? We use that Yahoo ID to make a flirt with every body. Including the married one. We want to discover, is there a correlation between married and flirting chat? Is it a man would stop flirting over the Internet after they got married?

Before we ran to the married guy, we simply test every single guy in the office. It was interesting because when that woman still in our office, no body seems to attract to her, including me. But when make a fake flirting chat, five over five men with a single status was flirting with our fake ID. Even some of them who were from out of town willing to travel by a train just to make a date to our fake flirting chat. So all of our single man are failed the test. Or should I say past?

Okay, than we set the higher. These time the engage guys. In this group we have three candidates. And the journey begins. Our married and flirting chat fake ID get in to their computer. Sadly, the result is still the same. Those three guys are willing to date this girl in just a few second. And when we ask, how abut the fiancé? This is one of their answers.

“I am going to get married it is not the end of the world!”

This group has failed the test.

Finally, our married and flirting chat test meet its rival! The married group is in the house. We have five married guy, including my boss. But hell no, married status and a ring on finger won’t stop them to flirting in a chat. That’s right, no body resist our over. Even the two of them are willing to slept with these fake woman under a two-minute conversation.

So that’s our conclusion of the day! Be careful all wife out there, because there is no effect between married and flirting chat!

So often when we are alone and it is not necessarily by choice, or we are in a relationship but lonely, it is easy to forget how great we are. Whether it is Valentine’s Day or anytime of the year, women do not celebrate themselves enough.

How to Celebrate You; Especially if You are Missing the Man in RoMANce

1. Have a spa day: facial, massage, manicure and pedicure or get your hair done - maybe try a new style. Taking care of yourself and having somebody touch you in a non-sexual way is good for your soul.

2. Set a carefree date with yourself; make some plans to do something you used to love to do when you were younger. It is easy to forget who we used to be and what we used to like to do, especially when our lives get busy or cluttered with jobs, relationships and responsibilities. What used to bring you joy? Go do something fun: visit an art gallery, go roller-skating, the sky is the limit!

3. Send yourself flowers from a secret admirer. Who better to admire you, than you? Nobody has to know. Or buy yourself flowers on the way home from work; you can pick them up at the grocery store.

4. Call yourself; leave a message on your voicemail - something nice like, “You’ve come a long way. You are awesome and I love you!”

5. Get out your good glasses, run a hot bubble bath and grab “Touchable Love.” There is nothing like a soak in the tub with a good book. Pour a glass of wine (or juice, pop or non-alcoholic champagne) and toast yourself for being the incredible woman that you are!

6. There is nothing wrong with dinner and a movie. Make reservations at your favorite restaurant. If people look at you because you are alone, so what? Hold your head high; you are on a date with somebody very special! Plus, a good cry in the theater watching a romantic comedy is good for the heart.

7. If you are an animal lover, get a rescue dog or cat. You will never be lonely again. Don’t forget to give your new best friend a special name like Freedom or Happy.

8. Do something sacred. Light candles and make vows to yourself and list your goals or write down your dreams. Maybe have a ritual of letting go of parts of your past that are holding you back. In “Touchable Love,” Christy and Paul send there pasts away in helium balloons.

9. Pick a love song for yourself, and then imagine singing this song to yourself. “Still the One” by Shania Twain is a great choice.

10. Buy yourself something special, something you have been putting off, a new rug or that perfect ring or necklace you have been wanting. You deserve it!

There are so many ways we can celebrate who we are. Take the time to show your appreciation for the wonderful person you are and will continue to be.

You have to beware of the flattery because it seriously hurts a relationship if you are making up relationship

 

 

 

 

“I am very sick of flattery, the sweet voices and phrases that you make… I wonder whether when I believe all these stuffs from you again… Am I able to trust you once again…?” These are the comments that have been given by most ladies who are easily conned and fooled by the guys who like to use the sweetest voices to lure the women out for the date or intimate appointments.

 

 

Women are classified as the easily attacked preys. They tend to get cheated for many ways, maybe the guys are eyeing for the invaluable, expensive and rarest gems, like diamonds, jewelleries that women like to treasure. Men are usually great in making the flattery to the extreme that ladies can fall into the traps easily. These actions are extremely bad examples for anyone of us and I like to point out all these bad points, so that next time when you have heard any flattery voices from the guys, please do beware of the flattery. It is very bad to hear all these, as they do seriously hurt the relationship more than providing benefits for a making up relationship.

 

 

The next point that I like to cover will be flattery are not necessarily the bad things for any romantic making up relationship. Sometimes, flattery is great in turning every couple in the mood of having a making up relationship. Ladies like to hear nice words from the guys, especially honest, sincere, frank, trustworthy, and closeness intimacy that both want to have.

 

 

For the ladies, if you happen to read this article, I like to point out that you have to note how much flattery and sweetest words from your partner, if there is so massive and extensive amount of words used, then you have to be extra alert of what he wants to portray to you. The body language is a good example for you to note. Whether he is lying to you or saying any sincerity to you, the body movement, facial expressions and hand gestures can give you the better tips and advices for you to take note of.

 

 

‘I love you for your great manners. Oh, I love the way you speak.’ And so on it goes. We are talking about the game of flattery that many people employ to win their love. They find reason to praise each and everything of their partner and the only objective is to make their beloved feel good.

 

 

In the initial stage of dating, communication is not very open. Both the partners are guarded and don’t communicate much at the intimate level. As the relationship develops, the closeness increases and so does the communication. Some people employ flattery knowingly or unknowingly in the early stage of dating. They feel that this will break the barriers sooner. They want their partner to feel good and comfortable with them. As all people love to hear praise to a certain extent, most of them get caught in the game of getting flattered. This is how it works, but it damages the relationship as it grows.

 

 

As the relationship grows, the flatterer reduces doing it and this creates a vacuum. Now the other partner gets in a phase of doubt. ‘Am I no more good? Have I done some mistake? Why is my partner going away from me? Why no more praise?’ This doubt grows over a period of time and slowly, they understand that the flattery was not truthful. It was no sincere praise and done only to make them feel good. This may break the relationship.

 

 

Those who flatter their partner are harming the relationship. They don’t maintain the sanctity of the relationship which should be based on truth, but make it look made up. It is immature to flatter.

 

Indeed, life is short. Don’t let another day go by without taking a chance on happiness. You will never know until you try, so remember to make a move today. It can change or affect the rest of your life, therefore, at the very least, you can try to come out something for your ex love partner during your weekend plans. With a little practice, perseverance and patience, I believe that your relationship could be enhanced with the tips that I have shared earlier. If you have faced any problems with your loved ones, do not hesitate to visit this piece of article again.

 

 

I really have a strong belief that if you can understand what I have explained and applied what you have learnt from this piece of article, your problems can be eventually solved and your making up relationship can become more stable and stronger. I wish all the best for your making up relationship with your partner. Do always remember to spread word of mouth to your fellow friends for supporting the decision of having making up than breaking up.

 

 

 

Any tips on getting my girlfriend back? Maybe your situation is not covered in this article?

 

Watch a video that shows you exactly what you must NEVER do, what you should do to get your ex back and why at http://hubpages.com/hub/howshouldiwoomyexback

 

 

You will also learn how to reverse the situation if you have already done those things that should NEVER be done.

 

 

 

 

 

Finding a partner is a serious goal and who you choose is very important. However if you appear to be too serious about it or intense, it is amazing how quickly you will put off possible suitors.  Although it is your goal to find a partner, it is important to be the type of partner your partner is seeking.

Even though your partner is seeking a woman to marry and create a family with, men never want to be rushed into marriage. They must fall in love first.  Unless you allow him to fall in love, he will not be at all interested in marriage or children.

For a man to fall in love with a woman he must yearn for her. Don’t mix up lust with love.  He may be attracted to you. He may have already, with subtlety, indicated that he finds you attractive. He may even have given the impression that he would like to have sex with you, however that does not mean that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Men can be attracted to any number of women and to have a sexual encounter with him does not mean he will want to marry you.  After sex he is more than likely, even less likely to want to marry you.

Most men dream of marrying a virgin in a white wedding dress. However don’t let that worry you - just don’t be too easy.  If you want to marry him allow him to fall in love with you. Give him the opportunity to yearn. Allow him to yearn for you.

No. 1 priority is to be the person he wants to be with.  Live in the now.  Enjoy the moment, rather than planning ahead. He wants a woman who is fun, a companion, a playmate and a best friend. He does not want to be smothered or controlled. He does not want to be mothered or fussed over; he wants to show you how manly he is. How he can organise things. How he can call you and invite you out all of his own accord. It may not be at the speed you like but if you are interested in him you will let him be and let him do his own courting at his own pace.

We have heard of women who treated the first meeting like a job interview.  We hear of couples who have just met who start off by asking each other what are they looking for in a relationship. That couple never hits it off because what they are doing to each other is too confronting.  Too scary and it also scares women off as well as men.

I have noticed that impatient women do better with a few guys on the go at the same time.  Even if you are not interested in some of the men you meet, develop friendships so that you are keeping busy and having fun whilst you are waiting for ‘the one’ to get his act together. You cannot hurry him and if you do you are taking the risk of putting him off altogether or even worse; that you end up sliding in to the relationship without a firm commitment from him.

I have heard this story many times from men who come to Entre Nous after a divorce: “I never really fell in love with her. We got on well, the sex was great, and before I knew it we were living together. She fell pregnant and wanted to marry. I didn’t have the heart to say ‘no’.  However I never really fell in love with her.  She ended the marriage because she said we had grown apart. This time I want to fall in love with a woman and I want to do my own chasing.”

How would you like this to happen to you? How would you like to end up with a man who wasn’t in love with you - just liked the sex?  This is much worse than putting a man off because you are too pushy or talked about marriage or a permanent relationship too soon.

If you really want a man, live in the ‘now’, be enjoyable company and have fun. The heavy stuff will come but you cannot force it and get away with it. If you control the situation what you are doing is manipulating.  It doesn’t work in the long term. You may think you have achieved something but it will be at a great cost.

If you are really keen, throw away his telephone number, let him do the phoning and make sure you are going out, (not dating) with others. Keep your calendar busy so that you will not be tempted to call him.

It is most important that a man be more in love with a woman than she is with him. Especially if she is to have children with him because she is more vulnerable than he is. If he is deeply in love with you and you are 8 ½ months pregnant and have a tantrum and throw a pot of paint over him he will still love you if he is deeply in love with you.  However you must allow him to fall in love with you at his own pace.

When you meet a lovely man, be what he wants at first - a fun playmate. Men want the same things as women but in a different order. Change your order to suit him.  Have fun and enjoy the moment and the rest will follow. Once a man falls deeply in love he will move at a great pace but you have to allow him to fall in love.